we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
