Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
