so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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