my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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