Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
