miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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