That's when you crack a 10am beer
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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