Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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