there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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