We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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