I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
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