Pappa wants mamma naked
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
