Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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