I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
