The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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