if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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