I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We talked him into tasing himself.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Sext me about skeletons
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize