remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
