i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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