I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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