Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
