I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize