i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
