Porn is love you can see.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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