I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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