PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
