It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize