she was so not down for the gang bang
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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