you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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