Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize