the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
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I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
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You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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