hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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