y did u give ur computer a hand job?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
