Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You can't special order awesome
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize