apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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