So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
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It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
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can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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