She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.