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last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
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