took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs