can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio