she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.