Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly