oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
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He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
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I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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