My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
