so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
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They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
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This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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