IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.