one might say we're banned from that church
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube