If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick