Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that