He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend