It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Ladies don't puke and tell