You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions