Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize