do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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