shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
