i permit you to call me
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
