You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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