yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
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I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
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So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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