wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
