what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
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I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
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I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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