And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
